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The Silence

Firstly I would like to thank everybody who has read this. Just to let you all know I won’t be updating everyday, I wouldn’t want you all to go through the repetitiveness as I do! I will just be updating as and when I feel the need but will try to do at least one a week. 

I feel guilty when I moan, but it is not my nan that I moan about, its the illness. And sometimes you have to just get it all off your chest!

Today I thought I would let you know about the silence. This is possibly the worst part of it all. Some days (like today) my nan will not say anything, for hours, nor will she watch tv, read or listen to radio. She just sits and stares. The admiral nurse has told me it is because she feels unable to keep up with conversations or story lines and so she takes herself away from the situations. This is what makes me saddest, that she cannot escape from it and it consumes her. 

The admiral nurse has also told me that my nan will constantly feel anxious. Because she is worried about slipping up, and being caught slipping up, and being locked up in a home or asylum. This is why I am hoping to be able to keep her in her own home as long as possible, obviously it is somewhere she feels comfortable and it is somewhere she has an attachment to. I am worried that if she goes in a home she will give up as she will not have enough memories around her. 

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