I would really love for this to be a post about Game of Thrones, my new found escape from reality. But I have a topic to stick to, and I can of course discuss my love of Game of Thrones pretty much anywhere else on the internet. (If you haven’t yet watched an episode or read one of the books why not?!)
Today I just feel like I need a massive rant. Nan has been in good spirits most of the week but unfortunately I have not and feel like I have cabin fever. The smallest things have been getting to me, despite the constant stream of Disney songs I’ve had going to lift my spirits. These small things have included why nan still does not know where the kitchen rolls are kept, despite them being in the same place for years. Or why nan insists on putting Jeremy Kyle on so loud in the morning. I have grown to have a distinct hatred of his voice, it is not a pleasant thing to hear when you are trying to gather your thoughts for the day. Deal or no Deal is another one. The music, the bloody music. Every time they open a box. Why?! And why are there so many theatre wannabes on the show nowadays. When it first started I really enjoyed it, but there are far too many themed shows (I can’t even begin to guess what this weeks theme is, any ideas anyone?).
Another frustration this week has been the pressure of having to be the oracle of all information, from what the prices are on nearly everything that is advertised on telly, to who the characters are in each soap and each storyline (Something I know I have mentioned before, but think it needs re-iterating). I find the soaps hard enough to keep up with as it is, without being asked questions and having to explain every minute detail every scene change. I am also expected to know why our troops are serving and dying in Pakistan. The first few times I get asked these questions I am able to give reasonable answers, but by the 6 o clock news I have lost touch with reality and give vague/unhelpful/sometimes unrealistic answers (e.g. that particular product costs 1 million pounds). Writing this all down and thinking about it makes me feel like a petulant spiteful child, and I know it’s unkind but it really does get hard to give the same answers day in day out.
I mentioned recently that I had taken nan out for a drive, this has lead to an obsession with the moon and its positioning in the sky. While we were driving she noticed the moon was out “the moon is out early tonight” she told me. I wasn’t sure how to respond to this, my knowledge of the sun, moon and earth positions has never been my strong point, but I was pretty sure the moon is always in the sky. Just not always visible (if anyone can clarify this in simple terms please do comment!). Since this, nan seems to look out for the moon, and it is nice to have something else to discuss but I do not yet know how answer her statements. I still feel so new to everything, and I suppose having only been with nan for 10 months I am relatively new, but there still seems to be so much more to learn and it seems to get harder to learn and accept new habits. (Let’s not go into the hiding of scissors and magnifying glasses that has been going on)
My final frustration is where the title derives from (echoing Game of Thrones). Winter is coming. According to nan winter is always coming. When she draws the blinds at night she always (without fail) says “nights are drawing in”. No nan, they definitely are not, the nights have only just started drawing out (I don’t think that is even the right saying, but it should be), please do not end summer before it has begun!. Another comment nan likes to make is when it starts getting dark, “it looks like rain”. No nan, that is night time, it happens every day, the sky gets dark and we go to sleep. Definitely no rain. Part of me knows that she is commenting on these things because they are familiar, and it makes her feel secure to be able to comment on present day occurances and make conversation, but I can’t help wanting to scream even just anticipating her saying it. (sorry nan).
Thankyou once again for reading and sharing, I will never be able to express how grateful I am to everyone who has made it possible for me to reach new communities and other struggling carers. Much love to you all, please keep reading, sharing and commenting and lets get even more people talking about dementia.