Seem to be having a peaceful day today, which has given me plenty of opportunity to catch up with myself. Feel bad for nan though, something is playing her up today so she’s been silent nearly all day. She can’t seem to decide if it’s her back, neck, legs or ankles. I’d wager back but there’s nothing I can do for the day to day aches and pains.
Today was Judgement Day for the pharmacy….And they delivered. Had to go through another round of questioning re: the flavour but once I had made quite clear the effects of the current meds he seemed more obliged to help. Did inform me that some antibiotics do cause similar side effects. Well I wasn’t having that, I made it clear on Friday that we were previously prescribed meds that haven’t disagreed with nan, and I would prefer those. He told me there was nothing he could do. I explained (again) that nan needs this med to keep her kidneys functioning so it’s not something I can let her go without. He finally agreed to ring a colleague, who had another brand of the meds in but couldn’t get them to pharmacy til 4. Fine, I’ll come back. Pharmacist did try to tell me I would need another prescription but I pretended I hadn’t heard and walked off. Returned at 4, was given new meds, complete with box, and shown bottle inside to confirm it is a different med.
Nan currently taken 2 doses, and I have seen no side effects. So definitely stand up for yourself/your loved one if you know something is wrong. Do not let anyone tell you they are unable to help or change anything. We all know that’s a load of bull, and if people really want to help they can. They just need a little encouragement. Which is sad really, I find myself expecting everyone to be as helpful and supportive as the lovely group on Twitter, or my AN, or social worker, or family/friends, sadly not always the case. But I’m fairly confident that the pharmacist will remember me, and what I’m there for from now on. I just feel a bit regretful I didn’t get to use my battle speeches I had prepared.
Nan has reverted back to holding me tight, whenever I do the smallest things for her. And whispering that I can’t leave. And that she’s so grateful. But last night it was worst. Last night she told me she’s sorry. (Started welling up). I asked her what she could be sorry for. “because you’re lumbered with me” Oh dear. Oh dear. Oh dear. Gave her a big squeeze, waited for my tears to sink back into my eye sockets and said I never feel lumbered, I feel lucky. Then ran upstairs to cry. (Hormonal mess, hay fever etc).
It certainly is true some of the time. I do feel lucky to get so much time with my nan. But yes, I admit it, sometimes I feel lumbered. What a horrible thing to admit, but it’s out there. I’m now holding on to the thought that soon I’ll be able to share responsibility with mum, easing her worry and my stress.
Ultimately the message of today’s post is in the title. Once again a lyric from a song. One of my favourites, Hushabye Mountain. Because at the end of the day, that’s what I want nan to know. That I’m here, regardless, to take any worries, troubles, anxieties and replace them with happiness, comfort and security.
Whatever it takes.