Well hello old friend, I can’t say I’ve missed you much.
Truth is, these past couple of weeks have been better than I could have ever dreamed, work is swell, it’s fitting in well with nan, and I started to get my social life back on track.
But now, that big black cloud of worry is back, and I am finding my mood swings worse than nan’s. I know part of it is worry down to health, and of course money. But there is a niggling feeling in my tummy that something is bound to go wrong. Because it’s been going so right.
I know it’s the wrong attitude. If one more person tells me that I’ll scream. I know damn well I think wrong, but how on earth do you change the way you think?
I remember a conversation I had with a friend at school. And instead of telling them I was a natural born worrier, I said warrior. Sound so similar but mean complete opposite ends of the spectrum. If only I could harness that warrior back. Funny thing is, when I’m at work I feel like the warrior, and I’m happy and busy and ready to tackle anything. As soon as I get home I just want to be on my own. Because I can feel the storm coming, and I want to be prepared.
And there lies the problem. I wouldn’t be without nan, I certainly wouldn’t be without my job, and I wouldn’t be without my friends. I just want a night to myself. No phone, no internet, no conversation, no bloody soaps or game shows, no shouting up the stairs. Just me, a book and my ipod.
“Never gonna stop ’til the clock stops tickin’
Never gonna quit ’til my legs stop kickin’
I will follow you and we’ll both go missin’ (yeah)
No I’m never givin’ up ’til my heart stops beatin’
Never lettin’ go ’til my lungs stop breathing
I will follow you and we’ll both go missin’ (yeah)”