Not sure whether there is something in then air today but both nan and I woke up very snappy. Nan’s had something to do with the fact that she put the tv remote somewhere before she went to bed and of course when she woke up she had no idea where it was. And I should imagine I felt snappy because I try to make sure everything is where she’ll need it for the morning, but if dementia nan is just going to move it round. What is the point?
That’s kind of my attitude today, which sucks and I am trying desperately hard to bring myself out of it before it can affect nan too much. But what the hell is the point of trying to help nan when dementia nan is so determined to mess it up?
Take for instance the washing machine. Now I find myself unable to give nan the ironing to do, I like to give her some independence and value by getting her doing the laundry (yes, it also helps me out). However, having had the same washing machine for absolutely donkeys years, why has dementia nan suddenly started putting the powder in the fabric conditioner compartment?!!!! It means that we quite frequently have a leaky washing machine as the compartment is getting blocked with powder, which means I have to clear it up.
What is the point of having signs on the door saying DON’T LET ANYONE IN!? If dementia nan is just going to invite every strange so and so in? Managed to get the council to agree to collect nan’s bin from round the side of the house so she doesn’t have to drag it out if I’m not here. So of course dementia nan opened the door to talk to him. For God’s sake, dementia nan has no idea of the danger she could put herself in.
AND IT IS SO FRUSTRATING! How can I encourage independence when I am so concerned she is going to hurt herself?
I know part of it is me, that I AM the overbearing parent (I hope to God that the father of my future children is laid back, because my children are going to be a nightmare if I’m in charge). I cannot stop myself worrying that she does need protecting from the big bad world, and herself, but how do you know what the limits are? How far do you go to protect your loved one from them-self? How much do you infringe on their independence when they become unable to complete tasks without supervision?
“No, you can’t! You think you can do these things, but you just can’t, Nemo!” (Oh God, is that me? Is that what I have become?!)
Sorry to ramble on but there seems to be a lot I need to get off my chest today. The doctor changed nan’s medication, there is no longer an evening tablet. Which has already to led to many conversations and it’s not even evening yet.
And if I hear one more comment about whether we have put the bin out I may just run flat out into the brick wall.