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Acceptance

For the way you changed my plans
For being the perfect distraction
For the way you took the idea that I have
Of everything that I wanted to have
And made me see there was something missing…
And for the rare and unexpected friend…
For the way you’re something that I’d never choose
But at the same time, something I don’t wanna lose
And never wanna be without ever again
You’re the best thing I never knew I needed
So when you were here I had no idea
You the best thing I never knew I needed
So now it’s so clear, I need you here always…
The way you smile and how you comfort me
(With your laughter)
I must admit you were not a part of my book
But now if you open it up and take a look
You’re the beginning and the end of every chapter…

Sorry for the absence, I’ve been poorly (nan was an absolute star, and it was nice to be looked after for a bit, but she didn’t half look exhausted!) but normal service resumes now. With an exciting write up to diversealz chat on Thurs. If you can join us on Twitter and have an opinion about young carers please input.

In other news I’d like to thank everybody that has donated to my memory walk. I have now added text donations, so just text KEMW89 £1 (or 2,3,4,5,10) to 70070 🙂

I just thought I’d give you all an update on nan. She’s doing well, as am I. It’s just this week she seems to have realised there’s something “wrong” with her. I don’t like using the word wrong, it makes it seem as though I am disagreeing with the way dementia nan does things, and it makes her abnormal somehow. And that’s not what I mean. But nan seems to have realised that it’s not me moving things, or things walking off etc but that these things are happening on her part (or dementia nan’s part).

And I’m not sure how that makes me feel. Does that mean she is developing more into the dementia now she is past the denial stage? Is it good that she now realises she is not as capable as she was when she was just nan? I feel guilty of course, that if I’d done something different she could have remained in ignorant bliss a little while longer. I worry that now she thinks there’s something “wrong” she’ll stop trying.I want to keep her as active and stimulated as long as possible, but I have a fine line of trying not to let her think she’s invincible. Partly I’m being selfish, I won’t let nan go without a fight, as I feel I’ve put so much hard work into keeping the dementia from affecting her. So seeing the sudden dips spurs me on. But mostly I want to protect her, from herself, or dementia self.

So I’ve upped my game. Took her down the village this morning and encouraged her to choose something, and pay for it herself. She bought herself some cookies, and refused to let me carry them to the car. Put them lovingly in her biscuit box and has not stopped snacking all day. This afternoon I encouraged nan to help with the ironing, which she did with a smile on her face (more than I can manage when I’m ironing!).

Then we attempted social media again, this time on the laptop to see if she found it easier. I’m going to try and play around with the screen size so she can see what she is typing easier. But once I explained it was more like a typewriter she was whizzing away, and I didn’t have to prompt sentences. It was great to see her thinking out a one way conversation and something I really would like to pursue with her. Considering an old laptop for her for Christmas. But we’ll see how we go.

Tomorrow we’re going to do some more work on the life book, which unfortunately seems to have taken a bit of a back seat, but I know she’ll love it when she see’s it.

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