Home » Care » If You’re Broken I Will Mend You

If You’re Broken I Will Mend You

And it’s dark in a cold December, but I’ve got you to keep me warm
If you’re broken I will mend you and I’ll keep you sheltered from the storm that’s raging on now
I’m out of touch, I’m out of love
I’ll pick you up when you’re getting down
And out of all these things I’ve done I think I love you better now
I’m out of sight, I’m out of mind
I’ll do it all for you in time
And out of all these things I’ve done I think I love you better now

Songs really seem to resonate with me, which is why so many of my posts include song lyrics and titles. I find it easier to sum up my feelings with a song, or by writing it down. The words can’t come out of my mouth right and I end up sounding rude or ungrateful.

Feeling much more positive today after my breakdown Tuesday. It’s so easy to lose the way with caring, especially with dementia. Even more so if we forget why we’re here. It took a few people to kick me up the arse. Virtual friends and real life ones, both as important as each other for me. To keep me on the path as far away from a meltdown as possible.  I’m here to help not only nan but myself, and yes some days it sucks. And yes there are things on hold. But I shouldn’t and won’t let them get away without me.

Dementia nan makes things seem so stormy, and I can’t begin to imagine how it must be in nan’s head. We assume those with dementia just forget everything, and so don’t realise the effects. But it’s not like that at all. They don’t forget everything, it’s been proven muscle remembers actions (hence nan being able to knot), nan remembers events from days long gone and from recent years, and she remembers, sometimes, that she has asked a question many times, that she used to be able to do this and now she can’t. Worst of all she remembers who she was, and is struggling to accept that she is not that person any more.
I try to help in what little ways I can by encouraging her to be that person, but there are physical limitations as well as the wearing effects of the dementia. And so she is trying to come to terms with saying good bye to parts of herself.

And I suppose I am too, goodbye to parts of her and to parts of me (not all of which I am sorry to lose-that stone in weight was a welcome goodbye, the selfishness and superficiality of so many things I used to enjoy).
But to re iterate the point from the Brenner’s – This is also a time to say hello. And I think this will work better once nan has accepted her “loss”. We can find new things to enjoy, and new ways of doing things. We can both become new people together on this journey and enjoy it all the more because we are doing it together.

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s