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Falling to Pieces

Nanny Jean: I am not having such a good day today so i will tell Kirsty and she will write for me.
Kirsty: Nanny Jean chose the title, as she says its her all over 😉

I get a bit frustrated to say the least that I can’t remember things as well. I do things wrong and I am sure Kirsty could say a few things about it but shes very good and never says anything. (I say I do sometimes and she says not like you could) she puts up with it very well. I didn’t feel as good as I had previously when I woke up so there is a bit of what is the matter with me when I can’t get going. And it hasn’t been a really great day today for aches and pains. I don’t know why it was worse today, I just felt it. I get up and know what I’ve got to do, wash and get dressed but it’s a gradual thing that comes on at any time, sometimes morning sometimes evening. I just cant tell. I think early in the morning is hardest when you’ve got to remember to wash and put clean things on, I find that sometimes difficult. I feel down when I am having a bad day, it’s something that just comes and eventually goes. I feel upset and why have I got it like it. It affects your thinking. What you like doing. Sometimes you want to do something and then you realise you’re not up to it, like doing things in the home. Sometimes I can get on well but today I have found it difficult to manage. I have to give up trying to do things sometimes because i tend to do it wrong or forget something, I always double check, because things worry me. Especially if I’m on my own I try not to go into the kitchen and do something. If i am having a bad I sit in my chair because I don’t feel like getting up and doing things like I usually do. If you’ve got a bad day on you seem to just sit. When i feel bad i need, mainly it’s talking, like what you do (Kirsty) to me, it shouldn’t be just you, it’d be nice if someone else relieved you, that’s what i think. It might not go down too well but oh well, its honest. I will try a day centre with Kirsty so we can make some new friends, but I am not one for mixing! I don’t mind the going out but I don’t know about the talking.

I knew it would be a bad day for us both when nan had emptied her wardrobe and got confused over which clothes were clean or not. I have been noticing this week that nan’s memory has been declining steadily, but I think it takes one event to make you realise that BOOM, things are changing again. Nan’s reality time seems to be getting shorter, and her short term memory is lasting about 10 seconds. She is really focussed on the War, and keeps talking about her shelter:

16.46, “i will start thinking about the war, we had an air raid shelter in the garden. which when you went down it was cold and damp and you used to have to take blankets with you”

16.50 “i will think about things that people might find interesting, like the wartime and going down the shelter which was damp and cold.”

I am still trying to convince nan to do things for herself, but it is hard when I remind her if she’d like a drink and by the time she has stood up she has forgotten what she was getting up to do. It’s not great to watch. On the plus side nan is now able to turn on the television with very little assistance. And my sister came over this week to take over cooking duties for an evening (something nan has probably already forgotten, as she keeps telling me I need relief) But today has left me wondering how long until I have to remind nan to go to the toilet? how long until I’m not Kirsty? how long until nan will need assistance with everything?

Dementia never lets you rest easy.


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