“You’ll remember me, the one who can’t remember”
That was something my nan said to me tonight. It’s been horrible the last couple of days. Mostly down to my attitude, and my inability to cope with things going wrong, or being unable to trust anyone to look after nan while I try and start a life here.
It all started yesterday when our new carers came in to make dinner. I was at work, and decided to pop home before going out. Good job I did, the lady can’t have even read the care plan, which says basically to make nanny jean a dinner, even if she says she doesn’t want one. Nan will always say she’s waiting for me. The “carer” decided to go against the care plan anyway and made nanny jean one slice of toast for her evening meal. To see her through until the morning. I was absolutely fuming when I got in, and I kicked off. I was effing and blinding and felt slightly murderous.
So I ended being late going out because I then had to make nan something proper to eat, reassure her I wasn’t going to kill anyone (!) and then get ready and go out.
Luckily the weather here is abysmal so me and my friend decided to call it a night, we got back to mine at about half ten. Bearing in mind that I had asked for carers to help nan change her pad, take her evening medication, remind her to brush her teeth, get a clean outfit out for tomorrow and let nan put her nighty on. The bedtime caller came at half eight. Unacceptable. To make matters worse they hadn’t reminded her to brush her teeth, and had given her tomorrow mornings medication. Not the night time ones. So two lots of morning meds in one day is really going to help. Honest to God they’re lucky I didn’t ring them to complain when I got in, they would have got such an earful.
So I ended up having to put nan to bed anyway, had hardly any sleep due to stress and worry, and then had to get up and go to work despite everything. I was about an inch away from telling them I can’t do it any more. How can I go out and have a life when people who are being paid can’t even cook an evening meal for her, let alone help with personal care and medication?
So yes nan, I will always remember you. I will remember everything about you, with only fondness. Unfortunately I fear these memories will be tainted by the anger and resentment directed at those who should have been there to help, but only made things worse. If you can’t send carers who know what they’re doing, don’t bother. Because it’s too much stress on my part to worry about other people as well as nan.
Thankyou to all who got in contact with me yesterday after my twitter rant. I really appreciate it. But will probably will AWOL for a while now as I need time away.