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Upside down, round and round 

This week has been a week of ups and downs for both of us. It is getting harder and harder for me to be able to predict any element of the dementia and how it is affecting nanny Jean. And she is finding it harder and harder to say what is on her mind. Conversations are often very one sided now, any questions directed at Nanny Jean are often answered with a lot of swerves and oftentimes just one word repeated over and over. 

We started the week with a foul temper, I was told more than once that I wasn’t needed. The Carers were told they weren’t needed. Anyone on the television who spoke was given a rather harsh critique on their appearance or opinion. Basically it was Nan’s world and we were all intruding. Which I do understand, but doesn’t get easier to hear. I knew that in a matter of time we would all be forgiven but this storm cloud really did stick around for a few days, and Nan even refused to eat anything so I knew she was really struggling. We had a fair few arguments about her eating, and she insisted she only ate her dinner one night because I made her. The fact that I had simply put the dinner on the table and walked off for ten minutes, by which time she had demolished the best part of it, was of course completely irrelevant. 

But the four days of constant dementia nan were made much more bearable by the appearance of the beloved nanny Jean on Thursday. She helped me clean, she volunteered to make teas and coffees, and was generally much more lucid than I had seen her for months. She even made a joke, I asked her to tie my hands behind my back to stop me doing any more online shopping and she responded with “I’ll do one better…ill keep the money” and then she giggled to herself for ages, which of course set me off. On Friday night I managed to convince her to have two dinners, the boring one from the Carers and then a takeaway that my mum treated us to. And she ate. It was nice to see her actually enjoying a meal as so often now I feel that she is only eating for mine or the Carers sake as we’ve cooked it for her. 

Today the lucidity has eased up, I dislike narrowing it down to days as the dementia can have varying effects from hour to hour, or minute to minute, but I find it easier to write about the days as a whole rather than the constant ups and downs we experience. So today, nan has wanted to keep herself to herself, which I never used to like, I thought it meant she was sad and lonely, but having read another post from a fellow blogger it was brought to my attention that she may in fact be happier sometimes in her own world. I know I am often happier alone. So I popped in occasionally with cups of tea, and she made a big deal about being spoiled, would tell me something about the weather or the telly and would then vanish into her head, or wherever it is that she goes when the dementia is most prevalent. 

I was invited onto the Victoria Derbyshire show this week, but unfortunately due to commitments I could not make it, which I was gutted about as I would have been given an opportunity to trial the dementia roadshow, giving us an insight on what is really like to have dementia trying to  slip us up every five seconds. I shall be watching the programme and blogging about it sometime this week. But for now, Nan and I would like to thank you all once again for the support. 

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